All of this in ten second intervals that are intensely annoying.Īt least it’s not ‘The Cavern’. I’m right at the edge of my seat… fighting the urge to flee screaming into the night.īack to the truck, wherein there is much growling and thumping and thrashing coming from inside the cargo container. Yeah, that really keeps me riveted to the screen. Giant snake, armed men, a deserted road at night – skanky chick bitching about her lack of Raisinets. This is a really good indication of the quality of the writing for this film, frankly. Apparently the tense moment with the snake has to be broken by Eve being all pouty because the waitress didn’t bring her the Raisinets she’d demanded. We’re still flashing back and forth to the fight, just in case you were wondering.
#BOA VS PYTHON LESBIANS MOVIE#
The mini-convoy pulls over to the side of the road to investigate and experienced horror movie fans are now placing their bets as to whether or not there’ll be any survivors and how many of them actually get bitten in half by the giant snake that is doubtlessly hidden in that myssstttteeeerrrrious cargo. There are dark, menacing growly noises from within the steel cube that he’s sitting next to, despite no sign of airholes. Something has gone wrong with the cargo and the man sitting in the back keeping an eye on what looks like an electronic lock pulls out his walkie talkie to inform the mini-convoy somewhat ominously that, “It’s awake.” Another shot of the fight and we see the truck again, this time at night. Ramon orders the truck to move out and away it goes, escorted by two SUVs. We’ll get into Eve and her issues with snakes shortly. Whoever wrote the dialogue needs to be shot.Īlso, please note, naming the skanky chick in a movie about snakes ‘Eve’ isn’t as funny as you think it is. No one in this movie, thus far, can act worth a damn.Ĩ. Broddick and Eve have paid a lot of money to sit right up next to a fight and ignore it while they make phone calls, issue petulant demands to the waitress and attempt witty banter.ħ. All of this has something to do with giant snakes.Ħ. The blonde waitress chick totally digs Broddick.ĥ. The girlfriend (Eve) is no better and possibly worse.Ĥ. The skeezy guy (Ramon) is so not getting paid enough to put up with the creepy boyfriend (Broddick).ģ. Over the course of the short conversation, we can infer a number of interesting things.ġ. In an attempt at foreshadowing or dramatic irony or some other concept that the writers and directors of this movie don’t seem to have a clear grasp on, the ‘villain’ of the fight is ‘The Python’ and the ‘hero’ is ‘The Boa’.Īll of the above goes on as the skanky girl gets upset over a scantily clad blonde waitress type ogling her creepy boyfriend and the skeezy guy with the truck calls the boyfriend. I more or less automatically tuned him out and I suggest that you do the same. Said switches are done apparently at random as the announcer goes on and on about these fighters and how this is the fight of the century. The first nine minutes of the movie are devoted to switching back and forth between the truck and the skeezy man with the bad hat who is apparently in charge of it, a skanky young lady and her arrogant escort at the fight and the fight announcer. There is an immediate cut to a man in a cheap tuxedo shouting into a microphone in that overly-melodramatic fashion used by fight announcers everywhere. We open in Atlantic City, New Jersey, to a thrilling score and a two second shot of a large cargo plane and a giant tractor trailer (which are actually in Philadelphia, as it turns out). Also a totally gratuitous bath and almost-sex scene.
This is not a recommendation, by the way, simply an observation.)Īt any rate, this is a movie starring a pair of huge, CGI snakes, David Hewlett ,and a blonde with the prerequisite amount of cleavage. (As a side note, it is useful to have seen Python 2 before viewing this movie. This is a bad movie you can actually watch. On the bright side, it’s not ‘The Cavern’. I love Syfy’s (ugh) thematic bad movie marathons. I would go so far as to say that it’s a terrible movie… and yes, I’ve seen Anaconda, Boa, Python and Python 2, amongst many others. I then went out and found it second hand for a few dollars so that I could have it long-term just to share with the rest of you. I then forced two of my friends to watch it (for which they have yet to forgive me – and this was six or seven years ago). I like David Hewlett almost as much as I like snakes. That fondness is reflected in the theme of this blog.Ģ. I like snakes – particularly constrictors. I am not ashamed to admit that I deliberately picked out this movie and brought it home. Today’s movie is Boa vs Python, brought to you by the letters D and H and the number 2.
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